Hey, mom, you got this! You are doing great! This is a reminder I have to give myself seemingly more now after my divorce than before. I have been divorced for a little over a year and separated closer to two. Divorce is hard. Of course, I knew that, but split custody is something I could never have prepared myself for. No one could have warned me. This is hard. There was really not a choice in our divorce due to our circumstances. However, I feel like we have a good divorce and parent somewhat well in this type of situation. I still like my ex-husband and the father of my child, we just can’t live in the same household. In some ways, I think that makes it harder, but really, everyone has some type of struggle.
In a group I am in, there was a poll about when we find the time if ever, to shop as a mom. It got to me a little. I have time without my daughter, more time without her than I ever really thought I would have as a mother. Personally, I try to make the best of the life we live and I try to make my time with my daughter really count. I focus on her when she is with me and we do things together to really make our time quality because quantity is not the luxury I have. When she is with her dad, I try to do the same, make my time count.
In a way, I am thankful for that perspective. I am not sure I would have had it if not for our divorce. Now, I am not recommending divorce, I am only saying to make the best out of a situation, whatever that may be.
There are times when I miss my baby so much it hurts. All I want to do is be with her, but I can’t because she is with her dad. There are times when I have tears running from my eyes without permission because I just flat out miss her. There are times when I just have a sadness because I want to be there, but I can’t. This is divorced parenting.
There is comfort in knowing that she is happy and being treated well when she is not with me. I have heard some horror stories where that is not always the case. I realize that I am blessed with knowing she is just fine when she is not in my care. We can always talk to each other and I get pictures of the fun she is having. That can be a double-edged sword sometimes. While I am happy she is happy, I wish I was there for it. I hate the feeling that I miss things.
There are times that I have my daughter and I can’t go to a meeting or event or function. Yes, I can get someone to watch my daughter, but I don’t want to. My time with her is precious. I have lost friends because of the time I couldn’t give up with my mini. I am sure I have lost business connections as well. My love life has more restrictions. None of those things matter when it comes to putting my child first.
So, when you see the pics of the divorced mom out or having fun with friends, she is probably having a good time, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t missing her baby. She can do both, have fun and miss her child. That may not be true for all of us, but I am guessing it is for most.
The dream was not for things to work out how they did. Divorce was the best decision, I know that. My goal is for my daughter to know that true love is a beautiful thing and that I know I deserve it, no matter the mistakes made in my past. This only happens when I lead by example. I want her to know that life can be devastatingly hard, but you pick yourself up and keep going because it is worth it. My desire is for her to see her mom happy in love.
Our time is so precious. Divorce has made me so much more aware of this! However, it is ok to allow yourself a do nothing, Netflix and chill time, too!
Are you a divorced mom? What are some things you have done to make your life a little easier and the separation a little less painful? Also, any suggestions on what we can all ourselves? I really don’t like ‘single mom.’